On this page you will find jokes about Italians. Do you also have a good joke or joke with an Italian twist, send it in to This Is Italy!

jokes about italians

On the border between Switzerland and Italy. Five Germans arrive in an Audi Quattro. The Italian border police arrest them. The driver opens the window and hears from the customs officer: "It is illegal to sit in a Quattro with five people."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asks the driver in surprise.
“Quattro means four”, says the Italian customs officer.
“Quattro is the name of the car”, says the German in astonishment.
“Here look in the papers: this car is designed for 5 people.”
"That's not my problem," the officer says. “Quattro means four. “You are in the car with five people and you are breaking the law.”
The German reacts very irritated. "Idiot! call in your superior, I want to speak to someone more intelligent than you!”
“Sorry”, says the Italian agent, “That won't work. He is busy with two people in a Fiat Uno.”

Berlusconi: “Research has been done among Italian women with the question: 'Who would want to have sex with me? 33% said yes and 67% said again?'”

A comedian tells jokes in a cafe:
“Now I'm going to tell a joke about carabinieri”.
From the back of the room there is a voice: "Watch out, friend, for I am one in service."
"Good, then I'll explain it to you later!"

– What is Antonio Caroni's mother called?
- Macaroni

Jesus was an Italian:
He lived with his parents until he was 30.
He used to hang out with a bunch of friends all the time.
He thought his mother was a virgin.
His mother thought he was God.

A very faint one:
Why do Italians make that strong coffee? They do that on purpose.

How do they say diarrhea in Italian?
Trammelanto del Conto.

What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pockets?
deaf and dumb.

How do you know if you are Italian?
You have 15 phone numbers among the favorites of the three people in your family.

The famous donkey joke

The Italian who went to Malta

(Reading with Italian accent in English, think: The Godfather)

One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tell her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna piss on my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fuck. I tella her I wanna fuck. She tell me everyone wanna fuck. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fuck on the table. She say you better not fuck on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tell him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you.” I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I'm going back to Italy.

Il paradiso e l'inferno – Paradise and Hell

Il paradise e: Paradise is true…
un police inglese the police is english
un cuoco francese the cook French
un tecnico tedesco the tech german
un amante italiano the lovers Italian
e il tutto organizzato dagli svizzeri. and everything is organized by the Swiss.

L'inferno è: Hell is true…
un cuoco inglese the cook is english
un tecnico francese the technician French
un police tedesco the police German
an amante svizzero the Swiss in love
e l'organizzazione affidata agli italiani. and everything is organized by the Italians

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