Column: the secret of a good relationship

It is Sunday and in the late afternoon I decide to make the climb to my favorite spot in Florence: the San Miniato al Monte, the white Church where the view over the city is the best. I like to sit there and observe the people in the vicinity. It is a colorful ensemble of kissing couples, arm-armed elderly people who walk a regular round together, mothers and fathers with young children and a number of sweating tourists who have tested their condition to reach the top, panting and moaning.

As I leisurely walk up, I see an older couple sitting on a bench. I estimate her about 80 years old and he is slightly younger. About 75. I sit down next to them and greet them kindly. They sit hand in hand and as he brushes a hair from her face, she looks at him with a soft and warm look.

"Yeah, that's still good and deep," I mumble. I can't help but compliment them on their happiness and say they are a beautiful couple. Something that is the most natural thing in the world in Italy: how often do you see a stranger on the street looking into a pram and complimenting the mother on her beautiful son or daughter. If you like something, just say it.

The couple laughs at my comment and the man looks at me proudly: 'And we've been that beautiful couple for almost 60 years!' Before I can ask how old they are, his wife adds: 'Yes, because I was 22 when I met him and he was still a rookie of 17 years. And it's still a rookie next to an oldie like me, haha!'

The ultimate secret to a good relationship

The wife gently pats her husband's knee as I ask them what their secret is to a long love life. "Well," the man says. “She thinks I'm married to her, but she's married to me. You should always make the woman feel that she is above you and then know better herself. It always works out.'

He winks as his wife laughs again. "No, no," she says softly. 'The secret is that you accept each other as you are. You know each other's inconveniences; each other's pluses and minuses. That's all. Furthermore, you don't have to love each other, just love each other and keep talking about it. Today's young people want to change each other more and more. There is no other way, because we are inundated with all kinds of perfections and ideals to strive for. What is forgotten is that you no longer see how perfect you are in your own form.'

Her husband nods in agreement, "Yes," he says calmly. 'Everyone has their own path with challenges and moments of happiness. Only in a relationship it is important that you know each other's path on which you are walking. And what that path looks like. If you have that knowledge, there isn't much to keep your relationship going. Of course we have experienced bad things; in fact, there have been plenty of reasons to break up. And luckily there is always one more reason to stay together. Because we do know one thing: as long as we leave each other as we are, we'll be fine.'

broken hearts

A little further on we see a young couple walking. Clearly panicked and not knowing what to do with each other. “But you hang out with that other guy too. I am done with you!' the boy yells at the girl, while the girl starts to cry loudly and moans that she really can't live without him, because then her life will be over. (I would like to share with you here the phenomenon 'Great and compelling shalt thou live' and the other phenomenon 'The jealous Italian'). And as he walks away angrily, she collapses in grief on the bench next to us. The man stands up and walks over to her with a tissue in his hand. 'Young lady, through those big tears no one can see how beautiful you are. Look, a handkerchief.'

The girl blows her nose loudly and begins to breathe more slowly. She muses at the view and mutters to herself that her life is really over now and that her broken heart will never heal. (I was only missing the dramatic violin sounds from a piece by Ennio Moricone at this point, although everyone understands a 'broken heart').

The couple next to me looks at each other in love and then they look at the girl together. 'You know dear,' says the lady, 'you are still young. Trust me, it's not all that complicated. That boy wasn't the one for you, or he wouldn't have yelled at you. Then he wouldn't have been so jealous and he wouldn't have left you now. Let it go. You'll be fine.'

Aunt Belle Cose!

I decide to leave the scene for what it is and stop by a friend who lives in town. I wish the girl strength and good luck; I shake hands with the lady and gentleman. "Hello, handsome," the woman says to me, winking at me. Your happiness is already waiting for you. Just look around you, because it's already there. Aunt Belle Cose, Auguri!'

Smiling, I descend the stairs and move towards the Arno. While walking I still think about the words of the lady, the Great and Immersive Italian life and the function of love in this whole. I cannot suppress a small smile when I see how the sun is slowly setting and the city is adorned by a colorful color palette.

There is plenty here to love, to be touched and to experience in all intensity. And if you don't experience that for a while, my striking compatriots will make sure that happens.

Photo view over Florence: Wikimedia