Myrtle Claus
Cultural misunderstandings in social intercourse. I've seen a lot of examples of this over the years. The clash between Italian indirect courtesy and Dutch honest directness. The difference between disguising the message in indirect language, larded with compliments, and literally saying exactly what you mean. And the misunderstandings that arise when interpreting a situation.
Estimation error
Italians always seem to be relaxed in Dutch eyes, enjoying life, despite the chaos around them. Friendly, hospitable, obliging. And above all very easy to deal with, without disturbing social conventions or applicable rules of conduct.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Especially if you've been in Italy for a while, you know that this is just the surface. Under that apparently cheerful layer hides a complex, hierarchical and very strict whole of formal social norms and values.
All this determines the social rules of conduct down to the smallest detail. From how you should behave in the company of a superior to the way you stick a piece of tape on a gift.
'That's not right' is a phrase that you will hear more often in Italy than in the Netherlands. An Italian is more likely than a Dutch person to frown unobtrusively at outrageous or eccentric behaviour.
Although that is only visible to a trained eye that sees beyond the smile on the face. Italians don't show when they find someone weird or unsympathetic and they treat the person as a good friend anyway.
Courtesy: Society's Lubricant
To Dutch ears, that probably sounds anything but sincere. that famous one courtesy of Italians, in their gestures, language and manners, however, are the lubricant in a society that is subtly regulated by those strict norms and values.
It helps to avoid social obstacles with beautiful language and to make difficult conversation situations with compliments less thorny. But that also means that you shouldn't take everything Italians say literally. On the contrary! They don't do that themselves and they definitely don't expect you to.
Would you also like a glass?
A common example of such a situation where you can face such a typical cultural misunderstanding? That moment when you are invited with Italian courtesy to join them for a drink, to dine with them, to spend a holiday at their home or to explore the city together.
And the Dutch mistake of immediately accepting that invitation with both hands. Resulting in slightly shocked faces. On the Italian side because what they said was taken literally. On the Dutch side because apparently what they said was not intended that way.
Does that mean that it is all pretense, that courtesy, friendliness and hospitality? No, it is not! If you are really counted among the narrow circle of friends, such an invitation is a sincere invitation that you can take literally.
Dutch elephants and Italian china cabinets
Do you want to put the test to the test to prevent yourself from thundering through the Italian china shop of social manners like a Dutch elephant? Then thank you for the invitation with a friendly smile and indicate that you feel comfortable with it.
Then wait. If they don't take it further, it's a typical case of 'being courteous and polite'. However, if they bring out extra glasses, plates and chairs or the calendar, then it's all right and you can accept the invitation without any problems.
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